In an "Arranged marriage", the parents of the bride and groom are the ones who arrange the wedding. Previously, the bride could see her husband only after the wedding. Nowadays, the would-be bride and groom are permitted to hang around for a few days before tying the knot. This is the only progress in the field of arranged marriage till date. The prerequisites for such wedding remains exactly the same.
If you don't agree with me then check out the matrimonial column in any newspaper/magazine or any matrimonial websites. The essential criteria remains the same both for bride and groom.
CRITERIA FOR BRIDES:
- Really pretty
- Fair
- Slim
- Should be young (at least 6-10 years less than the groom)
- Homely
- Same caste
b) Education
c) Working lady
d) Smartness
But the first few criteria remains intact even today!!!
CRITERIA FOR GROOMS:
- Good job (high salary)
- Lots of money and property
- Same or upper caste
- Good family background
THE ULTIMATE DEAL CALLED ARRANGED MARRIAGE:
Unfortunately, our society still considers arranged marriage to be the best form of marriages. I would hate to call it "marriage". It is rather a kind of "deal". Even in love marriages we often find that the girl and the boy look out for the same criteria in their partners.
THE BASIS OF JUDGEMENT:
Even today, grooms are judged based on their salary and property while brides are judged based on their looks, stature and facial features.
Grooms are still at an advantageous position I should say! They at least have the opportunity to struggle and get a good job even if their families are not financially strong.
What about the bride? How can she change her looks in case she is not so beautiful? Cosmetic surgery remains the only solution and that too for a fairly high price- which only a few can afford.
Is this the correct way to judge a person?
My heart says " NO!!!". Do tell me what you people think of this. I do feel that girls who are not so beautiful (i am using the phrase "not so beautiful" instead of "ugly" because i believe every person on this earth is beautiful, it is only our outlook that we need to change!) face constant pressure from the society. We take it for granted that females should always look great, be slim, have the perfect height and fair complexion. What if she is fat, dark complexioned and short in height? She would have to face huge trouble to get married with a person of her choice even if she is highly educated, talented, honest, kind and have an esteemed career. In this respect, a good-looking girl even with no talents, little education will attract many suitors. Really the society is blind!! This reminds of an incident where i asked one of my friends why he had recently rejected a girl's marriage proposal? He replied "She was very dark and ugly, she could be my friend but not wife". I was amazed to hear this because he himself was also dark complexioned and fat yet he desired (demanded) a girl who would look as beautiful as Aishwarya Rai. So, no matter how bad the groom looks, the bride has to be pretty.......sounds as if God has a constant supply of good-looking girls. Some people also think that girls who are not pretty are not girls at all! If you are a female then you have to look beautiful in order to get married! I dont know why but this very thought boils up my blood!
As for the grooms, if they have a great career (good salary) then they are eligible to marry any lady of their choice. If he is doing a descent job but not earning enough to satisfy every demand of his wife, he is least likely to attract many woman for marriage. What if he is talented, good-looking, honest and caring? Money matters!.... Sounds as if girls are searching for ATM machines rather than husbands to marry!
So, at the end it is a deal or mutual contract (unsigned) between the husband and the wife- where the wife will look beautiful for her husband to satisfy his physical needs (perhaps that's the only criteria for most men) and give him the opportunity to boast for her beauty. The husband on the other hand acts like the ATM machine, ready to satisfy all the monetory rights and demands of his wife! Perhaps for some women it doesn't really matter whether their husbands love them or not as long as the money keeps coming!
I personally feel this practice is demoralizing the noble institution called "Marriage".
WHAT CAN BE THE SOLUTION?
I wonder whether the society will ever accept this but I feel a person, irrespective of the gender, should be treated as a human being first! If there is no compulsion for the groom to look good then there also should not be any compulsion upon the bride to look good. When we do not give much stress to the bride's occupation, we also should not give much stress to the groom's occupation also. Looks and money can never be the basis of choosing your life partner! I agree upon the fact that money is necessary to run a family.....what if both the partners work and earn their living? What if the wife earns more than her husband? I dont think any problem can arise in such a case except for the baseless manly ego which is, again, created by the society!
WHAT INSPIRES ME TO WRITE ON THIS TOPIC:
One of my friends (female) was recently informed about a prospectable groom who was a marine engineer and his family wanted a "brilliant" girl as their daughter-in-law. They asked for her photograph. Her photo was sent but no reply came. She didn't even got to see him or know about him except for the fact that he was some marine engineer and earning lots of money. This was not enough for her to know a person. There were various other things she wanted to know about him, whether he smokes or not, whether he has a descent personality or not and many more things. Perhaps for him, her looks was the only thing to judge her "brilliance" as there could be no other reason why she was rejected. She was good-looking however, but not as beautiful as an actress. She was educationally more qualified than him, was about to build her career, she was talented and had a good family background, her past record is also transparent as she never had an affair in her entire life. Being an educated girl, she felt extremely humiliated at the fact that she was not allowed to decide whether the groom himself was good enough for her or not. Instead a completely unknown person (the prospectable groom) saw her photograph and rejected her also and she didnot even get a glimpse of him! If marriage is for both men and women then why is the girl not given the option to choose her husband? Why only the man is declared as the chooser?
This incident inspired me to write on this topic- arranged marriage: a long practiced ritual that has no basis!
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