Arranged marriage: A curse in our society

"Progress" is the word we utter every now and then. All of us would agree that we are progressing in various fields- be it science and technology, medicine or our standard of living. However, there are a few things which haven't changed since decades. Yes, I m talking about arranged marriages.

In an "Arranged marriage", the parents of the bride and groom are the ones who arrange the wedding. Previously, the bride could see her husband only after the wedding. Nowadays, the would-be bride and groom are permitted to hang around for a few days before tying the knot. This is the only progress in the field of arranged marriage till date. The prerequisites for such wedding remains exactly the same.

If you don't agree with me then check out the matrimonial column in any newspaper/magazine or any matrimonial websites. The essential criteria remains the same both for bride and groom.

CRITERIA FOR BRIDES:

• Really pretty
• Fair
• Slim
• Should be young (at least 6-10 years less than the groom)
  
• Homely
• Same caste

New additions are : a) Caste no bar
b) Education
c) Working lady
d) Smartness
But the first few criteria remains intact even today!!!

CRITERIA FOR GROOMS:

• Good job (high salary)
  
• Lots of money and property
  
• Same or upper caste
• Good family background

New additions are : a) Education

THE ULTIMATE DEAL CALLED ARRANGED MARRIAGE:

Unfortunately, our society still considers arranged marriage to be the best form of marriages. I would hate to call it "marriage". It is rather a kind of "deal". Even in love marriages we often find that the girl and the boy look out for the same criteria in their partners.

THE BASIS OF JUDGEMENT:

Even today, grooms are judged based on their salary and property while brides are judged based on their looks, stature and facial features.
Grooms are still at an advantageous position I should say! They at least have the opportunity to struggle and get a good job even if their families are not financially strong.

What about the bride? How can she change her looks in case she is not so beautiful? Cosmetic surgery remains the only solution and that too for a fairly high price- which only a few can afford.

Is this the correct way to judge a person?

My heart says " NO!!!". Do tell me what you people think of this. I do feel that girls who are not so beautiful (i am using the phrase "not so beautiful" instead of "ugly" because i believe every person on this earth is beautiful, it is only our outlook that we need to change!) face constant pressure from the society. We take it for granted that females should always look great, be slim, have the perfect height and fair complexion. What if she is fat, dark complexioned and short in height? She would have to face huge trouble to get married with a person of her choice even if she is highly educated, talented, honest, kind and have an esteemed career. In this respect, a good-looking girl even with no talents, little education will attract many suitors. Really the society is blind!! This reminds of an incident where i asked one of my friends why he had recently rejected a girl's marriage proposal? He replied "She was very dark and ugly, she could be my friend but not wife". I was amazed to hear this because he himself was also dark complexioned and fat yet he desired (demanded) a girl who would look as beautiful as Aishwarya Rai. So, no matter how bad the groom looks, the bride has to be pretty.......sounds as if God has a constant supply of good-looking girls. Some people also think that girls who are not pretty are not girls at all! If you are a female then you have to look beautiful in order to get married! I dont know why but this very thought boils up my blood!

As for the grooms, if they have a great career (good salary) then they are eligible to marry any lady of their choice. If he is doing a descent job but not earning enough to satisfy every demand of his wife, he is least likely to attract many woman for marriage. What if he is talented, good-looking, honest and caring? Money matters!.... Sounds as if girls are searching for ATM machines rather than husbands to marry!

So, at the end it is a deal or mutual contract (unsigned) between the husband and the wife- where the wife will look beautiful for her husband to satisfy his physical needs (perhaps that's the only criteria for most men) and give him the opportunity to boast for her beauty. The husband on the other hand acts like the ATM machine, ready to satisfy all the monetory rights and demands of his wife! Perhaps for some women it doesn't really matter whether their husbands love them or not as long as the money keeps coming!

I personally feel this practice is demoralizing the noble institution called "Marriage".

WHAT CAN BE THE SOLUTION?

I wonder whether the society will ever accept this but I feel a person, irrespective of the gender, should be treated as a human being first! If there is no compulsion for the groom to look good then there also should not be any compulsion upon the bride to look good. When we do not give much stress to the bride's occupation, we also should not give much stress to the groom's occupation also. Looks and money can never be the basis of choosing your life partner! I agree upon the fact that money is necessary to run a family.....what if both the partners work and earn their living? What if the wife earns more than her husband? I dont think any problem can arise in such a case except for the baseless manly ego which is, again, created by the society!

WHAT INSPIRES ME TO WRITE ON THIS TOPIC:

One of my friends (female) was recently informed about a prospectable groom who was a marine engineer and his family wanted a "brilliant" girl as their daughter-in-law. They asked for her photograph. Her photo was sent but no reply came. She didn't even got to see him or know about him except for the fact that he was some marine engineer and earning lots of money. This was not enough for her to know a person. There were various other things she wanted to know about him, whether he smokes or not, whether he has a descent personality or not and many more things. Perhaps for him, her looks was the only thing to judge her "brilliance" as there could be no other reason why she was rejected. She was good-looking however, but not as beautiful as an actress. She was educationally more qualified than him, was about to build her career, she was talented and had a good family background, her past record is also transparent as she never had an affair in her entire life. Being an educated girl, she felt extremely humiliated at the fact that she was not allowed to decide whether the groom himself was good enough for her or not. Instead a completely unknown person (the prospectable groom) saw her photograph and rejected her also and she didnot even get a glimpse of him! If marriage is for both men and women then why is the girl not given the option to choose her husband? Why only the man is declared as the chooser?

This incident inspired me to write on this topic- arranged marriage: a long practiced ritual that has no basis!

Purpose in life (contd.)

[...contd] We all know that one day we have to die, yet we engage ourselves in silly pleasures of life. We literally waste our valuable time by brooding over silly day-to-day matters such as "what happened in the office today?", "I have to teach my colleague a lesson tomorrow", "I have to beat my friend in the next exam" and bla bla bla. By scoring a good percentage in the board exams we often start thinking ourselves as something "beyond the world". By getting a job of high salary, we start disregarding and underestimating other people. When we possess money, we think ourselves as the ruler of this world. Ironically, birth and death waits for none. It is this basic thing which unites us all. The only difference is that poor people cannot sponsor a grand funeral ceremony while for rich people it is different. Everyday we argue and misbehave with the rickshaw-puller, hawkers and cobblers for a few rupees. Did we ever imagine how hectic life would have been had they not done their job properly? Who would have taken us so quickly to the bus stop in the scorching heat if there was no rickshaw-puller? From whom could we buy the vegetables if there was no hawker? Who would have mended our shoes if it needed a stitch and there was no cobbler?

what is the purpose of my life?

I am not writing this article based on my own life but this is just a humble try to instigate in the minds of readers the true purpose of our lives. Day by day, we are stuffing our minds with materialistic thoughts....thoughts related to jobs, exams, competition, jealousy, hatred and politics. More we detach ourselves from nature, more depressed we get due to stress, tension, fear of failure and what not! In the midst of all these useless thoughts we often forget our own existence. Tell me frankly, do u remember the last time that you visited the terrace to get a clear view of the night sky? Possibly, No. So, just imagine our condition. We are gradually turning into biological robots which has only one purpose in life - "How to earn more money and live luxuriously!" Is earning money the basic purpose of life? I had once asked one of my relatives, a millionaire to know whether he is satisfied with all the money he has. To my astonishment, his answer was a "No". I remember a song by Satyajit Ray that says "Even a billionaire can never be fully satisfied in his life". I m now fully convinced about this. However, the question is what is the magical formula that can bring peace in our lives? Buddha had said "sacrifice is the path to peace". This might sound hilarious to some people but practically speaking this is absolutely true. More the wealth you have, more you will fear of losing it and this will surely disturb your mental peace. However, for a person who has only the vital requirements - food, clothing n shelter to sustain life can achieve peace as he has no fear to lose. I will continue with this topic in my next article.