Silence.

The strategy I had to take, the sacrifices I had to make
I vanished into oblivion, became an emotional wreck
I had to smile, can't show my tears
Cannot be a victim, I cannot go near...

I expunge the memories; erase myself from your life
But I still exist somewhere, struggling to survive
The pain is my own, very personal and dear
Though at times, it's too excruciating to bear.

So I suffer in silence, nothing could I speak
From the sealed lips of mine, not a word will leak
I hide from him, I run from him, I disappear into the dark
Lest my memories haunt you and tear you apart!

"No means no": Really?

‘No means no’: Really?

Only few days are left for the Valentine’s Day to arrive. Men who are in love are ready to propose and admit their undying love to the women of their choice. And the women? As per societal norm, they must stay passive and wait for the man to approach them. If they already like a man, they have no choice but to wait till he fights his laziness, gathers up courage and proposes her. And even if he does propose her, she must not say ‘yes’ at once. She has to act shy and coy and refuse his first approach and create the chase (even if she likes him). In case she fails to follow this patriarchal rule, she will be judged as desperate and of low value. This reminds me of some plots from the movie ‘Aradhana’ where we find Rajesh Khanna singing “Mere sapno ki rani kab aayegi tu” while the shy but interested Sharmila Tagore smiles but at the same time acts uninterested. In another plot the hero sings the song- “Bagon mein bahar hain? …..Tumko mujhse pyaar hain?” and the heroine replies “Na na na”. “Na” literally means “No”. Period. But in the movie did they want to portray that the heroine meant ‘no’? As you all know, in that scene, “No” meant “Yes, but you need to chase me more”. It is acceptable for the man to chase the woman, stalk her and even blackmail her (as done to Basanti in the movie Sholay) into saying ‘Yes’. But what about a woman admitting her love for a man??? It is utterly shameful, shocking and less feminine according to men. I remember once I had quite innocently asked one of my male relatives

that while both men and women fall in love, why should only the man make the first approach? I still remember his reply “When you are going to a shop to buy a dress, do you choose the dress or the dress chooses you?” I was taken aback by his answer. Women compared to dress: objects, rather passive objects of display. This is still the mindset of most men. While we have the uterus to give birth to a child, we have not been granted the basic right to freely choose whose child we want to give birth to. You may say that the woman can reject a proposal if she doesn’t like the man. Yes, she can but I would like to mention three points here. Firstly, a woman’s ‘No’ is often not accepted as true rejection and the man might try even harder to convince her. It is rather difficult for a man to accept rejection. How dare she? Secondly, once the fragile ego of the man has been tampered upon, will he cry and move on like girls do? No. He would try to take revenge by spreading rumors about her character, stalk her, threat her, throw acid bulbs at her, rape her or even kill her. Thirdly, women are already in a disadvantageous position when it comes to choice. Her list of choices has been narrowed down to the men who approached her. A man can freely approach any girl of their choice without thinking if she likes him or not. The entire world is his territory. For a woman, she either has to stay passive and patiently wait for a man (whom she may not even like) to approach her or make ‘body gestures’ to give him the hint to approach her. But she must not make the initial move, otherwise battle lost. So she has to stuff her real feelings inside because society encourages her to be less vocal about her wishes and desires.

As a woman, I find these rules really suffocating. I hope the day will come when women shall freely choose her life partner by making the first move without being judged. I don’t know when men will learn to accept a woman as a human being with normal needs and desires and not as a trophy or display object whom they can dominate.

Forced smile

Broken people everywhere
With a smile on their face
Burying the pain deep within
While their life is in mess

The emptiness is well concealed
For happiness sells in the world
Why burden people with their problem
And let down their guard?

"We are happy"- they scream aloud
Their heart laughs at them
Their pillow gives a sarcastic smirk
And watches the defeating game

Being pitied upon is their worst fear
Love?- They surely need
It's weak and vulnerable to ask for love
People will pay no heed.

Twin flame

       Lost friend  

    

The days have passed, the nights are long

Tears have dried, the years are gone

No matter what, I am willing to strive

 Your love guides me through the journey of life

Like a ray of hope it pushes me to heights

At the end of the tunnel, I see some lights

I know not where it leads me though

Whom shall I meet there- a friend or a foe?

As I approach, I see a face smiling at me

If this was a dream, then let it just be

A gush of happiness you could see in my eyes

Reminds you of our strong spiritual ties

My face is wrinkled, my hair turned grey

But my love for you still stays that way

I don’t care about your receding hair

Your eyes still sparkle with intellectual flair

                                                                                       

Tell me you love me and nothing has changed

We can boldly face what destiny has arranged

Nothing is destroyed, nothing is lost

A new plant can arise from the dead white frost

All is well, that ends well- people say

Let us then hope we shall unite one day

Perhaps in the sky or may be in the star

We shall bless this earth with love from far.

My home

My soul was painfully ripped apart

A lingering pain I feel in my heart

Though everything seems so right

A sense of emptiness pricks me at night

Right inside the middle of my chest

My heart aches for its loving nest

It hears no excuse, it knows no logic

It believes in dreams, miracles, magic!!

Every night I cry myself to sleep

Only my pillow knows my weep

Through the darkness of the night I roam

In my beloved- I find my home!

Many years lie ahead of me

Without a purpose or a goal

The days ahead- gloomy and dreary

Spiraling towards a gaping Black Hole.